I ended up getting a 50/50 (it turns out my "professor" actually only grades punctuation and spelling, so every time you fuck that up you lose a point, apparently I'm sweet at these things, or at least my spell check is.) However the real damage had been done. I actually started thinking about what it meant to be a student at Eastern, and it's not pretty. I decided to start blogging about it, because thats what disgruntled people in this century do. I decided the ridiculousness of this school needed to be documented.
Monday: My first class is at 10 am in Pray, which means I have to leave my house in canton at 7 in the morning so I can spend the next three hours looking for a parking spot. The parking situation can be summed by one of the most amazing bumper stickers I have ever seen "Eastern Michigan University: If you see my professor, tell him I'm looking for a parking spot." As a commuter most pay around 70$ to get a parking pass that grants you the ability to park at a school that didn't have the foresight to add any parking spaces. I'm not your average student, I have managed to get my hands on a staff parking pass which, trust me, isn't any better. As a matter of fact there are many parking lots I CAN'T park in.
My first two classes actually go well because I have a competent prof (We usually get one that's competent, and I happen to have the same prof twice in a row) however my next class is taught by one of the best kids of stereotypical professors you can get. We all know the one, it's the prof who doesn't actually teach you anything about the class. They are just so self important that they think you will learn more from them talking about their personal lives then from the book. So far in this class I have learned four things: 1. My prof was at the premiere of the English release of MadMen, where she was the guest of honor (because ENGLAND usually gets its super sexy premier worthy guests from Eastern) 2. She has spent quite a bit of time researching ANYTHING that could possibly make living/teaching at Eastern more exciting (the best thing she's found thus far is apparently Ypsi used to sell a lot of underwear) 3. Last week she was globe-trekking in Australia, because she's so important a "big firm from Hollywood (in Australia?!)" had to send her there (even though I'm pretty sure I saw her at Meijer at one in the morning filling her cart with romance novels). 4. She's obsessed with name dropping, except the only name she drops is the word "Hollywood".
After Adv. Prof talked about the latest things in Hollywood for the first half an hour of class she decided to do an activity. In this activity she would break us into the four main areas where people hear advertisement. So she had all the kids who watched Reality TV that weekend stand in one corner. The other corner had people that watched sports, next to them were people that read a book. Those of us who happened to turn on the radio that weekend went to the back corner. Now I'm no professor at Eastern, but I'm fairly sure I can say with confidence that the four main outlets for advertisement are not "Reality TV, Radio, Sports, and Books". As a matter of fact, I'm hard pressed to remember the last time I found an advertisement in a book. We were supposed to discuss all the adds we had noticed over the weekend and wether or not they worked. I know my group, mostly talked about how stupid our teacher is, and how ill prepared we are for the upcoming test on wednesday since she has yet to teach us anything that actually deals with the book (which cost me 188 dollars, just saying). I can only imagine what rigorous conversation the people who found advertising in books were talking about...
After about half an hour of this we had to sit back down, and listen to her talk about add club for the rest of the period. Thank god I sit next to someone who thinks I'm funny, getting her to laugh at inappropriate times is the only thing that keeps me entertained. We're not allowed to have lop tops in the class, I'm sure the reason for that is Adv. Prof can't stand the idea of someone not listening to her talk about Hollywood, and is instead, I don't know, watching porn on their computer. which is at least 65% more educational then the garbage that comes out of her mouth. Class ends, and everyone leaves after losing an hour and a half of our lives we will never get back.
I had an hour break between classes and hopped in my car to go from the COB back to Pray. I thought about making a sacrifice to the parking god (who is a vengeful god indeed) so I would be able to find a spot, reasonably close, to Pray so I wouldn't have to walk very far across are oh-so-safe campus once it got dark out. Luckily I was able to drain the blood of a goat as an offering on my way and found a spot in a staff lot that I snuck into, I had already given 3 dollars to the paid lots today, and damn it I wasn't going to again.
I was pleasantly surprised when I noticed an old Prof of mine (who I actually liked and found competent) parking next to me. I rolled down my window and we exchanged pleasantries and she asked me what class I was going to. I told her, and she immediately began laughing. You see the prof that I'm currently talking with knows my characteristics and my sense of humor, so she immediately understood that I hated the Prof of my next class. He's about 100 years old, and teaches a class on intercultural communications. I've been in the class for 4 weeks now and the only cultural differences he has taught us are these; 1. Mexicans are late to meetings sometimes because thats just how things are in Mexico. 2. Black people have Mac and Cheese at Thanksgiving, because most of them are to poor to afford real food. Yes this is actually something a professor at Eastern Michigan said to my class room, don't worry though, he assured us that it wasn't racially insensitive because he didn't say it about ONE person, instead generalized the entire group. Yeah I didn't follow that logic either.
My nice prof that I ran into wished me good luck with the class and we both headed inside.
In my last class of the day we are getting back our first exam. To back things up a step or two, this is one of the most insane exams I have ever taken. One of the questions was "Name three things you've thought about in this class." (I was incredibly attempted to write 1. Going out for a drink after. 2. porn. 3. What the hell that girl across the room was thinking when she got up this morning and put a scrunchie in her hair.) I got back my exam and was incredibly startled to find he had given me a 47 out of 100. 47% isn't exactly passing. However fortunately for my grades and I, this Prof is an idiot. I looked at the points I was awarded and realized something quite didn't add up, and that wasn't supposed to be a pun, the numbers didn't actually add up. Apparently he wasn't taught about the whole addition thing. After my re-calculation he had actually awarded me 58 points, which still isn't passing, but I'm getting closer. It also turned out that one of the questions he asked us, worth ten points, was about an activity that the class actually didn't do. One brave sole in the classroom raised her hand to point it out, and everyone else quickly agreed, that no, we didn't ever do the activity he was talking about. As a matter of fact none of us had ever heard of it. I got another 10 points out of that one, which brings my total to 68. I've passed!!! However I see that there is more opportunity on the horizon to get extra points. Two of my questions, that I clearly answered right, he has awarded me no points for. In once case actually crossing out 10 and writing a zero in it's place. After a conversation with him during his office hours, I am happy to say I eventually got an 85 on the test. Thats right, 47 to 85. I can understand a professor messing up a few points but 37 of them?
It was during the chance meeting with my old professor that I decided to write this blog. She told me that she had always found me to be a great writer, especially enjoying my whit and humor. I figured why not a blog? Maybe another Eastern Student will even read it someday, and I can find out if everyone else finds the school as ridiculous as I do? I know what some must be thinking, if I hate it so much why do I still go here? That is an easy question for me to answer. A parent of mine works on campus thus I get half off tuition. This is the ONE and ONLY reason I attend this school, please don't hold it against me.
Eastern Girl.
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