lady in the bathroom

Dear lady in the bathroom next to me, 

When one goes into a private ladies rest room there is certain etiquette one must adhere to.  You broke quite a few of these rules on your trip to the fifth floor women's bathroom in Pray Harold today.  Around 11:45 I entered the bathroom, after my delightful computer class, to partake in an afternoon number one.  There are 4 stalls in this bathroom and I took the stall the second from the right, which was next to the handicapped bathroom.  I had barely started to relieve myself when another woman came stomping into the bathroom breathing heavily.  Here entrance was where she made her first mistake.  People are doing a very private thing in the bathroom, unless you are with a girlfriend and fixing your hair/makeup it is unnecessary and frowned upon to be so loud.  

Toilet selection is also an important part of bathroom manners.  In this case empty stalls will be represented with O's and occupied stalls will be represented with X's.  The handicapped stall will be an H.  This is what stall I was in...

O O X H

This is what stall the rude bathroom lady choose..

O X X H

In this situation she should have chosen 

X O X H

There was plenty of space in the bathroom, and one should always give at least one stalls length with applicable.  

I know these seem to be minor offenses, but the horror continues with the most important rule of all; Under NO circumstance is it ok to speak any words meant for your benefit only.  Let me explain myself.

I understand that sometimes a person has a bathroom emergency, I.E. we eat something that doesn't agree with us and must take a doosey of a twosie, which is to say explosive diarrhea.  We've all been there, even if we don't want to admit it, and thats ok, its good to keep those things to yourself.  The problem I have, bathroom lady, is that you felt it necessary to chant "oh god, oh god, oh god." over and over again as the demons flowed from your body.  Also the heavy breathing didn't help matters much.  I can hear that you're fighting a losing battle with your bowels quite clearly just by the toilet noise, and no one needs the verbal cues.  From now on keep them to yourself.

Needless to say I've never washed my hands faster, I needed to get out of there ASAP.  Now do you understand why I was mad about her choosing the adjacent stall to me?!?!

And now something completely unrelated...

nom nom nom...

Eastern girl

WTF

Today in my Computer Science 101 class I had an exam to take.  It was pretty straight forward, just click your answers like you would a facebook or myspace survey.  Still before we started it had to be explained to us by our teacher.  She somehow managed to drag out the explanation for 15 minutes as she clicked through a pre test we had taken just the day before.  All in all the test wasn't so bad but one of the questions was so odd that I went out of my way to memorize it.  The question went a little something like this...

True or false, human emotion can be easily transformed into numbers and stored in a computers memory.  

WTF?  It was one of the most bizarre true or false questions I have ever seen.  I guessed false, but really it could be argued a few different ways.  Can emotion be stored on a computer?  Well yeah, what do you call the stupid little "emoticons" that we are all guilty of using on a daily basis?  I mean "emot", I'm guessing is short for emotion.  Therefore I can easily store in this blog that I am feeling happy :) or frisky ;) or have boobs ( . )( . ).  Ok so I know having boobs isn't an emotion but isn't that sexy?  

Or was the question trying to ask us if computer could SHOW emotion?  As those of you who watch star trek know, they can't unless supplied with an emotion chip (duh).  Data from star trek is an android who doesn't show emotion through the most of his android life.  Until one of the movies that is when the emotion chip is implanted and then becomes fused onto his nural net.  (NEWS FLASH: I'm a loser).  Until that time he is simply an emotionless android. 

Notice: no emotions

So maybe in the future it's possible but as of right now?  This is your top of the line android...

So much for emoting.

In the end I did decide to answer false because I'm sure thats what the teacher is looking for, and I was probably over thinking things. 

In other news there's a cute guy sitting across from me, maybe I'll shoot him one of these ;) I wouldn't want him to think I'm a deranged android tho...

Eastern girl

back from hiatus

Hello dear reader(s?) I know I've been gone for a long time, but as it was time for a break I didn't feel I could properly rant about Eastern if I wasn't in any classes.  Since I'm taking spring classes this semester tho, you're in luck I'm back, but I have some bad news...

Something has happened to me that I may never recover from.  I had just gotten out of a very intense Interracial Communications class in which we watched "Rosewood", which was about a horrible massacre that occurred in Florida.  I was feeling quite down about the world in general, when suddenly it happened.  I was driving down cross street about to turn the the left side of the penis tower when a frisbee flew in front of my car.  I hit the breaks, since I didn't want to run over whatever frat boy or stoner was about to go chasing after it.  Then like a mythical sasquatch, the hottest guy I have ever seen in person walked in front of my car.  I was about 6'2'' tall, with the body of a Adonis, or for those of you not farmilier with Adonis, the body of Edward Cullen. 

He was wearing tiny blue shorts and his shaggy hair was held in place with the luckiest head band in the world.  Because of the vigor's of tossing the bee, he was sweaty and glistening.  I swear to god I almost crashed into a phone pole, which I can only assume I was drawn to because it was phallic.   I know I said this was a terrible ordeal, and the reason I say that is now every mere mortal man will seem hideous by comparison.  I think the only man hotter then him is Ryan Reynolds.  So picture this...

...Only different because I saw him with my eyes, and not on a screen.

In other news, I may have a hard time finding things wrong with this semester, all my teachers are surprisingly competent this time around.  I know that seems crazy, but since I was careful to check rate my professor before signing up, I might have actually pulled off the impossible.  

Eastern Girl.

Time Log

I know it's been a long time since I've updated, and to my 3 fans, I apologize profusely.  I understand that my rants and raves are enjoyable to you, and I will endeavor never to go so long without posting again.  For those of you who know me well, you know that the promise I just made is total crap, and chances are you're going to have to harass me again sometime in the future.  That being said, I'll continue with the blog.  

A few weeks ago, I went on a magical journey to a place called Garden City.  It's a quaint little metropolis filled with beautiful buildings, and very colorful locals.  I stopped in at the bank Blonde works in and did her a solid by opening up a couple (5, perhaps 6?) bank accounts.  I also met the only fan of this blog who started reading it before she knew me.  I was a little nervous to meet someone that actually went out of their way to read about little old me.  All in all tho, I think meeting my first real fan went pretty well.  I also had the fortune of getting to see the Tiffany's Necklaces the girls are given at the bank by their patrons.  I think Blonde made out like a bandit when she got a SOLID GOLD necklace that proudly said "1 in a million".  Now when people see the necklace there will be no question as to Blonde's rank in the world.  

Today in one of my classes, that I actually enjoy,  we were told about the idea of keeping a time long.  I figured it might be fun for me to do.  Time logs work like this on a normal day you keep track of what time it is "every time you change behaviors."  You then categorize these "behaviors" one of four ways.  1. Urgent and Important (meaning if you don't do it there will be consequences, and it has a time limit) 2.  Urgent not important (Time limit but not consequences if not accomplished) 3. Important but not Urgent (consequences, but no time limit 4. Neither important nor urgent (duh).  I have decided to keep a time log of today, and hopefully this will become a feature of my blog.  I'll do it once a week, on different days, and this way at least I have one post and I won't get in trouble with my 4 (oh yeah 4 now) fans.  

7:30 am - wake up and go to the bathroom.  Urgent and Important.  If I hadn't gone to the bathroom I would have wet the bed, and I had a very strict time limit before I did this.

7:33 am - Lay in bed trying to get back to sleep, I didn't actually have to get up until 8:30, however I couldn't stop thinking about the test I had that morning.  - Urgent but not important.  (There was a time limit on going back to sleep, however it wasn't all that important.)

7:35 am - Get out of bed with the intent to study for the test. - Urgent and Important

7:40 am- Realize I recorded last nights episode of Chelsea Lately.  Important, but not urgent.

7:41 am - Turn on the TV and watch Chelsea Lately.  Urgent and Important.  (I need to know what the bitch has to say about Dina Lohan!  Clearly study time can wait.)

8:10 am - Study for test.  Super Urgent and Super Important (considering I got distracted by Chelsea.)

8:30 am- get ready for school

9:30 am - go to school

9:50 am - Arrive at Eastern and look for a parking spot.  Urgent and Important

10:20 am - get to class super late because it takes half-a-fucking-hour to find parking.

10:50 am - class gets out

10:55 am - walking to my other class I note that all the girls at Eastern had indeed planned for another snow fall and not shoved their Ugg boots and leggings to far to the backs of their closets.  Urgent and Important (it's Fashion duh, it's always both!)

11:00 am - Take test.  Urgent and important.  (although I didn't go over my notes much this morning, prior studies assured I was pretty competent.  I think I only got 5 wrong)

noon- Depart class/arrive at library.  Neither Urgent or Important

12:01 - Check facebook and myspace.  Urgent and Important (I have to know what's going on with all my friends at every second!!

12:10 - check Perezhilton.com and Thesuperficial.com.  Urgent and Important (I need to keep up with all the celebs I stalk at every second!!!)

12:30 - Read a top something or other on cracked.com Important but not Urgent.  (I could have read it at anytime durning the day, but honestly why wait?)

12:35 - get to the end of the cracked article only to be sucked into another, and another, and another... (Neither Urgent or Important)

1:40 - Contemplate going to fmylife.com but decide to write a paper instead.  Urgent and Important (it's due at 5:30)

2:15 - Check facebook and myspace again, then pack up for class (urgent and important class starts in 15 minutes... at an off campus site.  

2:40 - walk into class late.  Neither Urgent or Important 

2:45 - Contemplate suicide as a I watch a group presentation about visiting Spain.  Urgent and Important (I really do enjoy my life so watching a crappy viral video of the looney toons bull charge with M.I.A. Paper Planes playing is a waste of said life.  It was supposed to be an add campaign, not a "show off the stuff you can do with your Mac" campaign.)

3:30 - run out of the classroom as fast as I can.  Urgent and Important (did you not read the description above?)

4:00 - arrive at work, as a favor to my boss I came in on my day off to get my review.  Urgent and Important (This is a MONETARY review, there is a possible quarter on the line people!!!!)

4:30 - rejoice that I get to keep my job, and I make a dollar more every *four* hours!  (important but not urgent)

4:45 - stop at McDonalds for a chicken salad.  Notice that when I'm in canton the pre-recorded voice that offers me a fancy coffee is a white woman's voice.  In ypsilanti, however, it is that voice of a black man asking me if I want anything of the dollar menu.  If I was black, I would certainly be offended.  

5:00 - get back to school and sit in my car listening to NPR.  Neither Urgent or Important, (but I do love that NPR)

5:45 - Arrive to class 15 minutes late.  This is actually planned.  My professor is a windbag and every week spends the first 15 minutes on "a thought for the day".  I'm pretty sure he goes to the quotable quotes section in readers digest and gets the most jesusy or racist one he can find, and runs with that.  Fortunately because of my impeccable timing, I don't have to waste that 15 minutes.  Important but not Urgent

5:46 - zone out.  Important and Urgent (I don't really want to hear any more about this guys ex wife)

8:00 - get out of class. Urgent and Important.  (I would like to take this time to note there was not change in my behavior from 5:46 to 8.  I remained zoned out the entire time)

8:02- ran into one of my favorite teachers from last semester.  We chatted for a while then she drove me to my car.  It took us about 15 minutes to find it, because of all the blow we were doing.  (that was a joke, as far as I know Eastern staff does not condone the use of narcotics)

8:45 - Arrive home.  Neither Urgent or Important 

9:00 - Check Facebook and myspace again.  Urgent and Important (sweet jesus has anyone updated their status since earlier?!?  I must know!!)

9:20 - Dick around on the internet for a while.  Neither Urgent or Important 

9:45 - recall the sadness in blonde's eyes that last time she asked me to update.  Urgent and Important (I love my friends)

9:50 - start the damn blogging....

What an exciting day, no wonder you guys missed me.  I don't know how I accomplish  so much.

Eastern Girl

Just a few announcements...

To the two guys with their stomachs hanging out the bottom of their t-shirts at school today:  Just because the shirt fit last year, doesn't mean it fits this year.  When you dig out your summer cloths please make sure they cover your ever growing winter belly.  

To the girl sitting outside of the library smoking clove cigarettes:  This is not an angsty teenage coffee house, we are grown ups now.  If you're going to smoke put out the incense stick and get some camels.  

To my teacher who canceled class without bothering to let us know until we walked into the room and saw the note on the board (causing me to sit in the library for 2 hours waiting for the start of class):  You're a dick.

This concludes my announcements.  

Eastern Girl

She's back!!

Hello Reader(s?)!!!!  I am back!

After fighting a tough battle with pneumonia, strep throat, bronchitis, and an inner ear infection I have come out on top!!!  I am the champion of my body!!!  I showed those bugs who's boss!!!  I have to go back to school!!... oh. FRICK.

In all honesty I really missed it.  It's not the going back to school that I'm not excited about.  I am actually really enjoying school for the first time, in a long time.  I think thats because I am finally taking classes I am interested in, and not just being forced to take a remedial computer class (we really should be allowed to test out of that.)  What I'm not excited about is having to play catch up on a weeks worth of missed crap!  Including two, count them two, exams, which I now get to take in essay form!!  YAY!!!

My first day back at Eastern in a week certainly didn't disappoint, my first two classes went off without a hitch, and both of the groups I worked in finally settled on topics for our big projects!!!  I even had an exam today that went quite well, the hardest part was labeling the countries.  In my intercultural communication class we are made to label a continents worth of countries every exam.  However for some reason on this test we were asked to take on more then the usual one.  I had Central and South America, and Europe.  Not an easy feat I know, but this author was able to spend her sick time playing children's country finder games!  They would ask me to locate Bolivia, and if I accidently hit Peru, a little owl yelled at me.  All in all I learned a lot, and was able to pick up quite a few points on that section.

I know it seems like I may have had a normal day, but Eastern always manages to throw a curve ball in there, even when you're not suspecting.  As I was getting out of AD class, actually I'm going to stop there before I relate this entire story.  I do have a little, tiny, itty bitty complaint about ad class.  I'm pretty sure my teacher read "Advertising for Dummies" picked up 8-10 slang words and just throws them into random sentences when she speaks to the class.  She's just banking on the fact that no one in her class reads the book, and she would be right, not because we don't care but because no one has any idea what chapter we are on.  But I digress, one of the best sentences she said today was this "All the people in Washington are here, and if we play our cards right we could get picked up by the network."  Right now you're thinking to yourself "Self, that sounds like a pretty smart sentence that was delivered by a savvy ad professor" but you, dear reader, have yet to hear the context.  She said that wonderfully crafted sentence right after she told us "We're having some special speakers in for Ethos week..." thats when she chimed in with the little gem about being picked up by the network.  Yeah, I have tried and tried but I still can't figure out what she's trying to say to us.  Eastern is going to get picked up by the network?  Which one?  Is it E!?  Because I would LOVE to meet Chelsea Handler.  Anyway, after the network sentence someone in the class asked if tattoos were considered advertising and this led to a debate in which I professor said "tramp stamp" at least 19 times.  Someone in the class room said it, and teach found in humorous, then she ran with it, tired it out, beat it, and set it on fire before she decided she had said "tramp stamp" enough.  

I know that wasn't the main part of the story but I get a little upset and off topic when I talk about my ad teacher.  The main portion of my story is just another one of those strange things that happen to me on a daily basis.  I was walking out of ad class with the girl who sits next to me, when I notice a very handsome gentleman walking from across the way.  He is gorgeous, tall, about 6' 1'' or 2''  with short dark hair.  His hair has the beginnings of a slight faux hawk, which, if you actually know this author, you know is a MELTING point for me.  He had a very rugged 5 o'clock shadow, a northface zip-up and some straight leg jeans, which in my fantasy world were diesels (not sure if thats what they were tho).  He looked like a combination the three sexiest men alive which are (in no particular order)

Very sexy Jakey-poo

Jordan Catalano 

(yes I know it's Jared Leto, but I just don't care.)

And last, but certainly not least, 

Reily Pool

(once again I know it's really Justin Bartha, but I just Love the snarky scientist in National Treasure)

So imagine you're me, and the three gentleman listed above really get your juices flowing.  You have accepted the fact that they are famous, and will never in real life encounter anyone so beautiful.  One day you're walking down a regular hall way, on a regular day, when you see him.  The gorgeous hybrid of your dream men.  If you're anything like me, you make brief eye contact, and hurry by knowing you will never truly love anyone, like you did this man, again.  It's what I would have done, and what any normal girl at Eastern would have done.  Of course in my crazy life things never work out how they should.  

I was daring and made eye contact, and YES! he looked too!! now it's time to hurry past and get on with my life as a mere mortal.  But wait, is he.. I think... oh god he's walking towards me, actually shifting his path towards mine.  There must be someone he knows behind me but GOD DON'T LOOK!!!!  If I look he'll think that I thought he was looking at me, and I was checking to see if he was or not!!  This is getting so hard what do I do?  What do I do?  He's getting closer to me now,  and his arms are opening like he wants to hung someone.  This is getting to weird I know this Adonis of a man doesn't want to hug me, but suddenly his arms are around me.  OH I get it now.  I've died, I'm dead, the pneumonia got me and I went to heaven (SCORE).  But the hug feels real, he feels real, all hard a chiseled.  I don't understand this?  Maybe it's hug a stranger day?  You'll imagine my surprise when the next words out of his mouth are "Hey EasternGirl (he actually said my name, but this author will never tell!) I haven't seen you in a while!!  How's life?  I miss you."  WHAT. THE. FUCK?  I don't know this guy.  I have NEVER met him.  I would REMEMBER if I know this guy.  He is literally my walking fantasy, and although we are apparently on a hugging basis, I have no idea who he is.  I stood there in awe of his beauty and made polite chatter with him for a few minutes. He said something about his classes being messed up and I responded, hopefully in English.  I can't be sure tho, because I was to busy wondering how he could possibly know so much about me,when I didn't remember him at all.  After a few minutes of conversation we went on our way, he gave me another hug (wtf? we're close enough to be double huggers?!?) and he walked off into the distance saying he hoped to see me again soon.  

I have NO GAME.  I know any normal girl would have taken advantage to being on double hug terms with one of the hottest guys they have ever seen.  I on the other hand, am a coward when it comes to men.  Especially hot ones.  I let him go on his way, because after all, if you love something you set it free, and if it never returns it wasn't love.  At least thats what I'll tell myself when I try to fall asleep after screwing up big time, with the man who is clearly my soul mate.

SIGH

Eastern Girl

it's been a long time.

I know it's been a while since the last update and I wish I had some witty story or even to tell you about.  I am sick, I have been sick, and I think I will be sick for another few days.  Everything from bronchitis, pneumonia, and food poisoning/stomach flu.  It hasn't been pretty, but to be fair I lost ten pounds with that stomach flu!

Last week was ok to be sick because I still had sick time for work, and it was spring break.  I sat around watching the first season of Six feet under, which I am now obsessed with (my sister got it for me for my birthday so hopefully it will be here soon!!).  Other then that I've been eating, sleeping, throwing up, and just having a good old time.  That was until bronchitis came a long.  Do you know what it feels like to barf when you have bronchitis?  Well if you don't it feels like rubbing acid covered sand paper all over your already hurting throat.  I figured my throat was just sore from the barfing and took myself back to work, and went out with my friends for my birthday.  

My birthday was a great time, despite the sore throat I was still able to knock back the drinks that people in the bar kept buying me.  I work at said bar on the weekends and they were more then happy to send shots over.  I was given some wonderful gifts by my closest friends, 80's boobs got me a DVD, some stuff from lush, and a poster of my favorite man from Twilight, Jacob (because he has a personality people) Blonde got my fav, headbands, and Mex, got me a pack of gum, which I refused to pay him back for, explaining to him it was my birthday present.  All in all it was a pretty good haul.  The folks got me some nice stuff too.

Flash forward to monday, throat is still pretty sore, but I go to school all day and get my learning on.  By the time I got home I was noticeably colder then I usually am.  This can mean only one thing.  I have a fever, ugh.  To make a long story short it got up to about 103.5 when seeing a doctor became imperative, but I already knew what was going on.  Fucking pneumonia AGAIN!!  That pretty much brings us to here actually, I didn't really have anything to exciting to post about but Blonde was getting upset, and seeing as she's my fan, I pretty much have to do what she says.