safety is a top priority.

Eastern Michigan is nestled deep in the bosom of Ypsilanti Michigan. As most of you know, but some of you don't, there are certain areas of Ypsi that aren't as safe as, oh lets say, any other city but detroit or flint. Basically if the state of Michigan was a man dying of a gunshot wound Eastern would be the festering bullet hole.

Since Easter is so scary and dangerous, safety is a top priority. Students that attend here are very aware that we can have text message safety updates sent right to our phone! I was sent a message once, as I am set up to receive them. The message warned that a black male punched a student who was texting, and then stole their phone. The message urged us not to be distracted by things like our phone when we are walking around campus, lest we be reading a message (lets say a safety update?) and get punched in the face.

I'm going to put forward a scenario. Keep in mind dear readers this didn't actually happen to me, but as a member of the Eastern student body it very well could... I take you to 8:30, I'm just getting out of my evening class....

I am walking to my car which is on the other side of campus. I didn't put in my ear buds because I wanted to stay alert. I even ignored my text messages, assuming it was just Mex, wanting to relate the latest goings on of storm chasers. Suddenly I notice a man coming up behind me! He's coming fast and starts to shout "EH BITCH I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU!!!" I start to run as fast as my little legs can carry me. In the distance I see something that could save me. It's one of the many emergency poles on campus. You know the ones, they have a blue light and you push the button to get the police to you. I sprint for it as fast as I can a sudden calm washing over me as I realize I might be saved from the murderer. When I get to the pole my heart is crushed when I see this in front of me...

Seriously? I knew things were bad here but not that bad, Adrenaline however rushes anew when I notice a little farther down the line is another emergency pole. My attacker is still chasing me "YO BITCH I'M GOING TO STEEL YOUR SHIT AND MURDER YOU!!!" But I know I just have to make it a little further to safety. I'll push the call button and the Eastern Police force will descend on him like so many majestic Eastern Eagles! I arrive at the post...

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! I think to myself as I almost collapse from a heart attack. I am not a runner and I know my adrenaline will eventually run out. Fortunately for me my attacker stumbled and fell on some uneven side walk. As he gets to his feet he yells "EH BITCH! YOU MADE ME FALL ON MY ASS! I'M GOING TO MURDER THE HELL OUT OF YOU NOW! AND YOUR FAMILY JUST AS SOON AS I CATCH YOU!!! With fresh terror in my heart I see yet another emergency pole in the distance I summon my remaining energy and sprit to it like my very life depends on it (it does!!!) SURLY this one will be in working order, and I will receive the aid I require!!

FUUUUUUCK! REALLY EASTERN?!?!?! I AM ABOUT TO BE MURDERED AND YOU'RE GOING TO PULL THIS SHIT ON ME? Now more then fear I am propelled by anger. Eastern, once again has failed me, by making me jump thru hoops and waste time when I really need to be helped. Kind of like when I need to get my financial aid taken care of, except instead of paying for college I'm going to get murdered. "EH BITCH! YOU'VE RUN FAR AND I'M OUT OF BREATH, YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS!!! PAY FOR IT WITH YOUR LIFE!! Now I am more determined then ever to reach safety, just so I can bitch to someone about these poles not working. I see another in the distance. Even Eastern isn't this bad... right?

I don't even know why I'm surprised. Honestly why would it work... FUCKING EASTERN! I sense my attacker has finally reached me, but like the hulk, I am angry. Very angry that ONCE AGAIN Eastern has FAILED. I grabbed the mirror by the truck and beat my attacker senseless, using all the rage I have geared towards the school. As I walk away my cell phone vibrates again. Fuck it, I'm going to be attacked anyway, lets see what it says. "Attention students; a crazy woman is beating people to death with truck mirrors, be on high alert."

So like I said, none that really happened, but it could. It could happen to ANYONE.

In other news a girl in my class decided to sport a hot pink floor length dress to class today...

FAIL!!!!

Eastern girl.